- Xena: A BEAUTY CONTEST?
- Salmoneus: PAGEANT! It's called a PAGEANT!
- Gabrielle: Contest, pageant—it's just a feeble excuse for men to exploit and degrade women.
- Salmoneus: Wrong as usual, miss sunshine! Since when do we ever need an excuse?!
- ***THIS SHOW DOES NOT FUCK AROUND***
- SHOTS FIRED
season 1: pure nostalgia
season 2: classic
season 3: classic pro
season 4: extra special classic pro: soulmates edition
season 5: crap
season 6: a beautiful gift from the gods to be treasured for all eternity